Torturer Gifts

'Why don't we call ourselves chiropractors and charge people for our services?'

Executioner with desk organisers labelled 'Cruel' and 'Unusual'.

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

'I would kill for a truffle.'

A Poet

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"I mean, he does have a point."

Man on a treadmill desperately trying to get at a carrot dangling infront of him from a stick tied to his back

'Your Walking!'

"Baldo! Pick him up!"

'He's been a lot better behaved since getting that laptop.'

'Tsk - he will keep throwing things out of the buggy.'

"My son's only a year old and he's been walking for 3 months..."

"To be honest, nobody wants to buy your paintings... we need a promotional strategy! Cut off your ear in public!"

Jean Genet.

Brendan Behan.

Weatherman

"He's always had a fascination with the hard drinking,hard living writer,the tortured genius. It's an image he's tried to emulate. Unfortunately he's only ever managed the first two parts." "I can't <hic> feel my face."

"He's a different person online. I call it the Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Blog syndrome."

'Tough guy, eh? Want to step outside?'

'Welcome to hell, this is your customer service. Your questions and wishes will be ignored and you've got to listen to my squeaky cartoon voice for ever.'

Playpen escape hatch.

45% of my bonus goes to taxes

"Anything you tweet may be used as evidence ..."