Torturer Gifts

'Why don't we call ourselves chiropractors and charge people for our services?'

Executioner with desk organisers labelled 'Cruel' and 'Unusual'.

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

'I would kill for a truffle.'

A Poet

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"I mean, he does have a point."

Why do they prefer a pitcher to a belly itcher? Everyone loves a belly itcher!

Man on a treadmill desperately trying to get at a carrot dangling infront of him from a stick tied to his back

Japanese Cuisine. What's the matter with the chef? He's just having a tempura tantrum.

'Your Walking!'

'He's been a lot better behaved since getting that laptop.'

"Baldo! Pick him up!"

'Tsk - he will keep throwing things out of the buggy.'

"My son's only a year old and he's been walking for 3 months..."

"To be honest, nobody wants to buy your paintings... we need a promotional strategy! Cut off your ear in public!"

Jean Genet.

Some other sins you may enjoy.

Brendan Behan.

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it's met its match.

Weatherman

"He's always had a fascination with the hard drinking,hard living writer,the tortured genius. It's an image he's tried to emulate. Unfortunately he's only ever managed the first two parts." "I can't <hic> feel my face."

"He's a different person online. I call it the Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Blog syndrome."

'Tough guy, eh? Want to step outside?'

'Welcome to hell, this is your customer service. Your questions and wishes will be ignored and you've got to listen to my squeaky cartoon voice for ever.'

Playpen escape hatch.