Toreador Gifts

Uh Oh!

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

William Shakespeare

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

Thomas Cranmer

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

Singer in a boat disturbing the fish.

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

Musicians

Maria Teresa Vera

'Anne Boleyn now regrets avoiding that Prenup Chit Chat with King Henry.'

Clarence always halved lots of cargo.

Edmund Spenser

Elizabeth I

"Ooops....I guess this one failed."

Fake Tropes

'And to what do you attribute your bullishness?'

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

"It's from Henry VIII, sire. He's going to be in town and wants to know where the best hook-up spots are."

Executioner with golf bag full of axes

Summon King Henry's bugle teacher! Bring on the Tudor Tooter Tutor!

"I'm failing 16th century British History, so now I have to get a Tudor."

Thomas Wolsey

1588: Queen Elizabeth I returns from her holidays

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

Henry VIII

Queen Elizabeth I

Henry VIII

Henry VIII

'The double codpiece and chips is very popular with the Blackpool crowd, your highness.'

Otter Tattoos

'As far as I can make out the only difference between me and Henry VIII is that I had my six wives at the same time!'

Walter Raleigh

"No, it's not a scribe's error. I'm setting a trend!"

'This is the dawning of the age of asparagus...!'