Torchlight Reader Gifts

The Invention of Reading in Bed.

Late night teddy reading

The DaVinci Code

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

Frederic Auguste Bartholdi

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'E-books?'

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

'The Torch Holder'.

'This cave is really damp... and squidgy underfoot'

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

Good boy

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

Sally Jessy Raphael

Alien abducts Olympic athlete.

Olympic Sabbath Torch.

My mom says this story is a "real page turner." I have no idea what she means by that.

"You're keeping something from me, aren't you?"

A caveman offers another a copy of, 'The Ug Issue'.

'So you've won a few races: I still don't think you need worry about the paparazzi!'

Athlete

"What do you think? Would flaming marshmallows make good torches?"

If you buy that magazine, the paparazzi win. Celebrity Couples.

"Well - I don't know what possessed her..."

"Dang, Jennifer Lopez is, like, on her 93rd boyfriend! At this rate...she'll get to me in 13.3 years!"

Skating by torchlight on the Serpentine.

"Ralph said he'd give up cigars if I gave up Prince Charles and Di."

'What's this, lad? Didn't I tell you not to carry anything heavy!'

'Advice? Yep, take your Olympic torch somewhere else.'

"Congratulations on the discovery. Good luck getting it insured."