Topping Theologian Pillows

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Ice Cream Dreams.

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Hot cross buns

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'My Lee's creative with food. He always customizes his toppings when we phone for pizza.'

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

"It's an apple pie, try it..."

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

"You call it 'faith in God' when your faith is really in the humans who interpret what other humans wrote. Which was edited, revised, and translated by other humans. And was originally based on stories other humans orally passed from one generation of humans to the next, about events yet other humans claimed to have witnessed thousands of years ago."

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

Jesus Fish

'It's not a stable, it's a pop-up hotel'

Sex and Violence....Hell and Brimstone.

"Jesus was a champion of the poor. If he came back today, you would not be able to hear him over the sound of religious conservatives booing his liberal agenda."

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

'Okay. Where's the fire?'

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."