Toolbox Tumbleweed Pillows

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

"I'm starting my own delivery service. Is there anything you want to borrow from my Dad?!"

Building business relations.

D.I.Y with dad.

Guide to Carpentry Fish

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

"Okay guys you have your assignments. Let's get cracking!"

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

"Dad needs a Phillips screwdriver. Who's Phillip?"

"Something tells me this isn't the 'Good Cop'."

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

Too posh for Alderley Edge!

Fiction for Plumbers

Handy-lion

"I only need two tools: WD-40 if something doesn't move that should, and duct tape if something moves that shouldn't!"

Elwood 'I Can Fix This Myself' McGrunzen

'Ah! This is the Texas I remember!'

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

'No breakfast until you're finished making your bed, Joey.'

'Wow! I'm trying to fix my glasses with contact solution instead of super glue!'

'No, we're owned by a non profit poundation.'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'That's Oog -- the poor sam invented garden tools.'

"You've given me quite a turn. . . !"

"It's good he has only simple tools. He usually gives up before he does much damage."

"If we don't find a place to charge these batteries we ain't gettin' this herd of tumbleweed to Kansas City by sundown."

'I play heavy metal.'

"What a rip-off."

Nail and Hammer

Joe was so poor, his dog was a tumbleweed.

The He-Man Bag