Tumbleweed Tamer Pillows

"There's tumbleweed coming out of your computer screen. Now do you believe your website is like a ghost town?"

'Ah! This is the Texas I remember!'

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

His New Grillfriend

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

"Okay - who wants theirs well done?"

"He won't stop and ask for directions when he COOKS, either."

"Lovely dovetail."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

I love Science.

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"Who like 'em well done?"

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

Getting Rid of the Cure

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

"When Stan's barbecuing nothings ever 'well done'."

"Shall I phone the fire brigade yet."

'Continue gently simmering for ten minutes...'

Clown uses skirting flower to prevent hot foot

"I'm calling it Cajun Blackened Chicken!"

Golf Hil Divot

Using plant pots to reach inaccessible object

Care to BBQ with genius inventor?

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

"Anybody know how make fire?"

Recycling point.

"Just take the crowd out of it. Imagine everyone is naked."

Joe was so poor, his dog was a tumbleweed.