Tongue-in-cheek Strategist Gifts

'We need someone on the outside.'

No-Work Orange

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

'All my children have been successful. Frank here is in the Oval Office.'

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

Tree funeral.

"I'm in advertising. . ."

Husband / Wife / On The Side

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

The Three Doctors.

"I'd fire him in a minute, but the old man thinks we need his unique perspective around here."

'Are you sure this is the best strategy to find new customers?'

'On the plus side, you won't have to worry about me getting into an expensive college.'

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

"I thought I knew evil, but you have to hand it to these advertising guys."

Burke and Hare and Hare

"Palmer, I want you to see to the legwork; Moscowitz, you'll be my eyes and ears."