Toe Talker Gifts

'They're fine through the day, but when I leave work the little one goes 'wee wee wee' all the way home.'

"This stool shall pass."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

Moo Out Loud

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

WTF?

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

The Hockey Puckey

'Every time you speak, George, your new teeth whistle!'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Ballet shoes balancing on a telephone wire

Oh, ho ... Here comes that boring guy!

Man talking to a tree.

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'I made a big mistake. In a fit of anger, I said, 'Screw you' to my boss.'

What Is This Crap?

MAKE ME PROUD OF YOU!, 'We may want to include more specific instructions.'

"Are you talking to amoeba?"

"Careful...she bites."

"Quit complaining and decorate it! Number one, it's tradition, number two, it's nobody we know..."

Swan Lake Auditions

"IRL sucks."

'Have you seen pictures of those redwood trees with holes big enough for cars to drive through?'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

They always go for the hoe.

'50 for 5 minutes extraction.' 'I'll go slow next time.'

Tonight: "Ballet." I can't understand it

Ballet Shoes

"Ironically, he's being used to create 'save our forest' pamphlets."

"I can't get through to him. See what you can do."

"Not so much as a mention on Wikileaks."

'The stadium restrooms are free, sir. It just costs a buck to get out.'

Man changing channels with his toe

'That tip you gave her-I hope you're not expecting to eat for the rest of the month!'