Tome Talker Gifts

Librarian/Book Whisperer

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Moo Out Loud

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

WTF?

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

The Hockey Puckey

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

Preserved

Obtaining a degree in TV Broadcasting.

'Every time you speak, George, your new teeth whistle!'

Subway Library

"I had that dream again where I kill my Shrink."

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

'What's this, lad? Didn't I tell you not to carry anything heavy!'

I hear we're called gen txt. It's demeaning. Suggests our lives revolve 'round shallow misspelled missives. No dout! You're not helping me here. Y U usin big words? Hirz link 2 utube vid of cat pukin. Awsum!

Man talking to a tree.

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Oh, ho ... Here comes that boring guy!

'I've given up on looking for the bluebird of happiness. . . I'd settle for the chicken of contentment!'

'They're fine through the day, but when I leave work the little one goes 'wee wee wee' all the way home.'

'I made a big mistake. In a fit of anger, I said, 'Screw you' to my boss.'

'I decided the world wasn't ready for the wheel, so I invented the desk.'

'I'm really worried Doc. I'm beginning to feel quite good about myself!'

"Are you talking to amoeba?"

"Careful...she bites."