Tome Toter Gifts

'What's this, lad? Didn't I tell you not to carry anything heavy!'

"First time pruning?"

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Watering Money

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

Toys in the DVD Player.

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

Parenting Business Deals

'None of the other things had instructions.'

Small child checks out a book.

"I'm addicted to water."

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

One book... One book... One book...

"The judges aren't too impressed!"

Subway Library

"You goo-goo, you gaa-gaa. But when push comes to shove, you whaa-whaa."

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

Librarian.

Sunblock - A Novel

"It's shrinkflation!"

'They're fine through the day, but when I leave work the little one goes 'wee wee wee' all the way home.'

'Open it... I think they have to go potty.'

'Grow you son of a bitch!'

'The problem's too simple - call someone else'

Moral Ambiguity

A man carves a totem pole

'Moving Day' for Christmas Presents

'The plums are dry. It's time to prune.'

Making Totem.

"The classics can be so intimidating."

Child sewing up her toys' mouths.

'You are so unorganized!'

Content of a parent's hoover

"For the next meeting of our book club, we really need more books."

"I told you getting bangs was a stupid idea."