Toe Talkers Gifts

'It's not his six toes he's upset about...it's being told it won't make him run any faster.'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"This stool shall pass."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

The Hockey Puckey

'Every time you speak, George, your new teeth whistle!'

Man eating his meal with his feet.

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Oh, ho ... Here comes that boring guy!

'They're fine through the day, but when I leave work the little one goes 'wee wee wee' all the way home.'

Man talking to a tree.

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'I made a big mistake. In a fit of anger, I said, 'Screw you' to my boss.'

Swan Lake Auditions

What Is This Crap?

"Careful...she bites."

"Quit complaining and decorate it! Number one, it's tradition, number two, it's nobody we know..."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

Podiatry. If the frostbite was any worse we'd have to amputate. You just barely stayed out of the "toe away" zone!

'Have you seen pictures of those redwood trees with holes big enough for cars to drive through?'

They always go for the hoe.

'50 for 5 minutes extraction.' 'I'll go slow next time.'

"Ironically, he's being used to create 'save our forest' pamphlets."

That's a nasty outgoing toenail you've got there.'

'The stadium restrooms are free, sir. It just costs a buck to get out.'

"Not so much as a mention on Wikileaks."

'That tip you gave her-I hope you're not expecting to eat for the rest of the month!'

Riverdance school

Man changing channels with his toe

"I can't get through to him. See what you can do."

"Just between you and me...when a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, it still makes a sound."

Librarian/Book Whisperer