Toddler Talkers Gifts

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'The child is very illogical'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

First Word

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"Still won't talk. We've tried everything aside from sodium pentothal."

I am to blame.

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

'Who gets up when the babies cries at night? The whole street!'

"What are you in for?"

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

Having It All

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

Proud mums.

'Gee, Dad, Mom's getting better at this all the time!'

"I mean, he does have a point."

"All right. Time to grow up."

'You mean they don't come with an instruction manual?'

"They think I don't have a clue."