Tire Store Employees Pillows

"You must be new on the job."

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

"I'd like a new tire for my 1976 Chevy Chevette."

With the aid of a tactical dictionary, and was finally able to make sense of what the salesman was saying.

Hand sanitizer

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'Somebody keeps snapping all the stud boards in half. Anybody know anything about this?'

'They're bound to hurt at first.'

"We can now shop for, purchase and crash our new car online."

"'Thou shalt give good discounts'? That's a commandment?"

'For us, buying shoes is like buying one drink with two straws, hahaha!'

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

How much would you take off for cash?

'You'll find that these really let your feet breathe'

Excess

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

Sale today - 50% off everything!

Grocery. I hope to work on the business side of TV and movies one day, so I've added "produce placement experience" to my resume. Thanks to everybody keeping stores open and stocked.

You know retail is in a bad way when...

'This must be the work clothes section.'

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

"Listen, Baldo, I know what you're thinking...but as part of the management team, I can say with all confidence that your job is safe."

"They're a little tight."

"Hey boss, what's the store motto this week; 'the customer's always right' or 'you can't please everyone?'"

'I'm sorry, we no longer accept cash for transactions.'

"Let me guess...you got a job here because you needed new parts for your lowrider project?"

"Any chance of some credit?"

"Finally! I got all my deliveries done on time! I also put all the oil cans on the oil can shelves! And I actually put batteries in the battery display!"

'That's Jeb Lambert. He was actually the first one to say 'paper or plastic'. Before that everyone said 'plastic or paper'... I mean, can you imagine?'

"We find putting the customer first works for us!"

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

"Here's your receipt so you can bring it back when you remember how old you are."

"You never complain when the ball game goes into overtime!"