Tip Connoisseurs Gifts

"I'm finishing my shift now. But, if there's anything else you need, here's my home telephone number."

'Why is it he never understands sit , stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

Henrik Ibsen,

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"He's a mental-health critic."

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

'I hope you are not playing God again . . .'

Chimp with mail-order anthill.

"We have some architects in our colony."

Thanks for the tip. Come again!

'Man, the next hangover will kill me for sure... that's why I've decided to be drunk 24 hours a day!'

Tip Responsibly

'Owner's kid. Gets paid under the table.'

"Oh, I was looking for something with a little more hay."

Maxim Gorky.

"Are you really sure we're supposed to give points for sound?"

"What do I have to do to get the bartender's attention? Set myself on fire?"

'In future in addition to the usual access to customers address books, photographs and friends we'll want information on...'

"I hate to be that guy, but, technically, Frankenstein is the name of my creator, and I'm Frankenstein's monster."

"Hey, wanna get kinky and read each other's catalogues?"

"Thank you, sir. I see you're not hopelessly liberal."

"Oh no, our house has been turned into a coffee bar..."

'Your horse seems a little impatient, sir! Pray go first!'

'I can't believe you just said that Satchel's writing is better than mine.'

the food is nothing but the service

"Leave him a good tip, Arthur. He's really cute."

'Oh, yeah that - I'm in the mail order business.'

Earning the Tip

"Thanks and here's some gas money."

'I find I get much better service when I use a $100 bill instead of a napkin.'

Financial Incentives - Tipping

"I never see you wearing a cap. Do you have to press down while turning to get it off?"

"No. Thanks!"