Tip Calculator Pillows

'Whoa! Our waiter's online and you should see what he's saying about your tip!'

Caution: Generous Gratuity Expected

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"Your father suffers from 'Notip Arthritis'. It's characterized by a stiffening of the waitress."

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"I always give a 10% tip for good service but on today's showing, you owe me £15!"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

'Hello Sir. I'm Jeff, and I'll be kissing your butt all evening in the hope of getting a decent tip.'

You have no experience eating lobster? Before I spend time showing you how, do you have experience tipping?

Business Meeting

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

'I'm still working on the mystery of how to make a decent living with a tip jar.'

'You're right, I did overtip. Well, we'll just stiff someone at the next place.'

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

"This one goes out to the lovers who aren’t intimidated by my tip jar."

Economists generally agree that consumers don't trust products that cost too little. If an item is too inexpensive, it seems cheap. A higher cost connotes quality. Price hike! Beware the rabid capitalist bearing economic theory.

"I should have paid more attention in math class."

'Thanks, Sis, but I think it's my turn to leave the stealth tip.'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, Mr. Jones, the outlook for wheat this year is ... '

Asteroid Trajectory Assessment.

"All our ingredients are ethically sourced, so feel free to leave the sh*ttiest tip you can possibly imagine."

"I mostly rely on a collection of weird tips I've found on the internet."

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

Tip Responsibly

"How much do you think I should I tip myself?"

Excess Baggage: Sometimes, your plane ticket is the least expensive part of the trip.

'You just give me a big tip, Madam.'

Tip responsibly

"It's a good idea to tip first. That way I know what level of service you expect."

'We strongly recommend you buy the service plan.'

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'