Food Calculator Pillows

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

"Have you been working out?"

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

Business Meeting

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"I'm here to warn you, do not eat both slices of cake – you're going to want one tomorrow."

'Let me have 20% fat, 40% carbohydrate, 40% protein and a cup of tea,'

Alternative Accountants

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"We're not dividing the bill. We're dividing the calories. Two people had cheesecake..."

Duel Fuel?

'With all due respect for your horoscope, Mr. Jones, the outlook for wheat this year is ... '

Excess Baggage: Sometimes, your plane ticket is the least expensive part of the trip.

What are the chances?

"Your father suffers from 'Notip Arthritis'. It's characterized by a stiffening of the waitress."

"Well you did say you wanted something gluten, sugar, fat, additives and calorie free."

'If the total is wrong, is the whole thing wrong?'

'Whoa! Our waiter's online and you should see what he's saying about your tip!'

'We strongly recommend you buy the service plan.'

People think accountancy is just about numbers, but there is also the fractions, the percentages

Chef with a checklist.

"It's not that you've chosen the wrong diet, it's just that you're not meant to eat them all at once!"

"Does it say what we use for money?"