Tiny Terror Tailer Pillows

'I put it up just for his self-esteem.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

'Sharon's into genetic engineering!'

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

Mood Swings.

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

"She does this when she's tired."

"This is kindergarten, Mason. You can think outside the box, but you'd better color between the lines."

"So...what are you in for?"

Cot Escape.

"Who do you want to replace when you grow up?"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

'Don't worry about a thing, my Mom doesn't believe in spanking.'

'Shouldn't I be home in bed or something?'

"Mrs. Tibbles, the vet will see you now."

"…Ok, tough guy, see this scar? Prius hit me—didn’t even hear it coming." "I got that beat. Right here: three-year-old woke me from a nap with a fork."

'Buck, the town's bein' attacked by thin cans! Sheriff's been lookin' all over for ya.'

The Baby Mechanic

'My first one is obvious making it illegal to ever question me...In that case, it'll be the right for everyone to never question me! Good catch, daddy. Thanks...'

Bonsai Garden Incinerator

Mounting a Horse

"And now, our motivational squeaker."

'If all children are natural-born scientists, society might be wise to at least quarantine the subset of these scientist-infants who are the atomic weapons specialists, before they kill us with their crazy little lunchbox nukes.'

The ancient art of Bonsai ants.

"Not eating right? But I haven't spilled a thing."

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

"His bark is bigger than his bite."

"Excuse me, sir, but would you mind getting the door for us?"

"Guys, guys, c'mon! One more, and again, hold those tails still!"