Timeliness Tactician Gifts

"Sorry I'm late. I didn't leave on time."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Golf lessons

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

Notice to travelers: 'Delayed' is the New 'on time'.

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

Colin had finished the 'One Minute Manager' and was now practising the 3467 minute tea break.

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

Ready to move when the other guy blinks.

'Next day to the coast! You must be nuts!'

"I'm very good with punctuation."

"My appointment starting on time just went viral."

Office De-cluttering

Kangaroo to upside down joey: 'Once again your room is in total disarray!'

"I told them I was sick of working all hours...and that I intended to stick to my hours and get home to give my son a bath and bedtime book....unfortunately he'd turned into a 26 year old commodities broker while I was in meetings!"

Husband concerned about being late whilst wife has plastic surgery.

"Isn't it about time you tidied up around here...?"

'Your wife came by and left a message'

"I'm not attracted to him and we don't get along, but the timing is right."

"I can't remember - do I work at home or do I live at work?"

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

"Face it - there is no good time to get married, have children, and move to Jersey."

"You're getting a time-out because Mommy needs a time-out."

Coo coo clocks make a cats job easier.

'It's not what you buy. It's when you buy.'

'I was there the day we were married. Talk about bad timing.'

"I'm adding the laundry room and kitchen to your GPS. Judging by all the clothes and dishes in your room, you don't know the locations."

Sports Medicine

'If anyone finds the Buck, could you please grab it and sit on it?'

"Yes, you can see the chairman this afternoon - have you ever done any caddying before?"