Timeline Detective Gifts

'It seems they couldn't decide if the new millennium begins at 3000 B.C. or 3001 B. C.'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

CIA report

Harry S. Truman

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

The Ukraine, Europe and Fascism.

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Frankenstein's Ancestry

Celebrity Phrenologist.

Police man stands guard at a murder scene in Egyptology department of a museum.

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

Authorization for the Use of Farce

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

Micro and Macro Department,

"Remember when, on the Internet, nobody knew who you were?"

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Don't forget to read the small print.

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

"Honey, check it out — giant porcupine tracks."

"Why is there an ad for Jay-Z in the New England Journal of Pediatric Medicine?!"

'Don't mind me....I'll just sit here while you work on homeland security, unemployment, health care and your many other prbblems!'

Russian Spy Debriefing

Devil in the detail

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

History Department: 'I used to be a revisionist myself, you know!'

Weird – I think everything they watch is called, That actor looks so familiar what else have we seen him in.

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'Son, history is important because it's the story of our past that we rewrite to understand our present.'

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'Sodding Sat Nav.'