Diary Detective Gifts

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

"When I grow up I want to be a journalist. I love sneaking around and reading journals."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

CIA report

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Computer Expert

Where was I?

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

Terry had a computer bug.

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

Harry S. Truman

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Careful! He knows computers."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

Clickbait

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w