Time-wasting Critic Gifts

"It's a 670 page questionnaire on how to cut back on unnecessary bureaucracy!"

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

No-Work Orange

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Of course I'm bored - my batteries are flat!"

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

Two gamers play in a game arcade near a machine titled; 'Get a life'.

"You'll never believe who's here."

The Algonquin Round Table