Time-wasting Critic T-Shirts

"It's a 670 page questionnaire on how to cut back on unnecessary bureaucracy!"

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

No-Work Orange

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

"Of course I'm bored - my batteries are flat!"

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

Two gamers play in a game arcade near a machine titled; 'Get a life'.

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

Samuel Beckett

"You'll never believe who's here."

Seamus Heaney

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

The Algonquin Round Table