Time Traveler In Spirit Gifts

"The hell with the past --- I'd like to put the future behind us."

You ever wonder what the world would be like if Lincoln had lived? Stop! I'm tired of everyone trying to blame my great-grandmother for what happened! I mean, sure, she could've let J.W. Booth down easy, instead of mocking and taunting him until the shame made him snap. But blaming her for what happened hours later is just unfair! The history books are so incomplete. She always got blamed for everything. Like the time she set off a firecracker at Fort Sumter. How was she to know?

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

Hen throws an egg and the picture turns to daytime.

"Where there's smoke there's fire, at least there will be after someone invents fire."

Minutemen in training.

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Meet the scribe"

Historical memory is on life support.

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

The Missing Sock Returns

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Second hand furniture.

E=mc2.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Desmond likes to live in the moment. . . and that moment happens to be 1960."

Dr. Roo.

Time Machine Collision

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

Sundial Time

"Early model of baggage claim"

"About how if the dark ages never happened we'd be so much more technologically advanced by now."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'I'd say it's six of one and one half doxen of the other.'

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

Time for vacation, time for work.

Danger Slow Sand.

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

'This new game isn't working out -- the ball keeps running away.'