Time Shift Humorist Gifts

"I just flew in from the Coast. Boy, are my references tired."

Physician tending a mummy.

"The Eggsorcist"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

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COWMIKAZES

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"Really! A firecracker! Test his nerves! Where do you come up with these stupid ideas?"

Time management office worker

"Richelieu, Voltaire, Napoleon...no wonder you know so much about these people. I'm sure you met them personally!"

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

Today isn't a good day. He's talking to New York now, then he's got a board meeting, after that there's an old Betty Grable film on TV.

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

Why he always make pictures of him food?

'It says this artist is making a statement about man's struggle with the rising cost of oil paint.'

"Roots, figs, water, mammoth meat, and... um... Ugh! Me never remember shopping list!"

"Drat! A flat tyre. . ."

"Believe me, nobody's going to care you had facial hair a hundred million years from today."

Golf - "Are you new to the game?"

Train Arrivals

'This one's a hood ornament. I got it for carpooling.'

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, Glenda, but you've been sitting on a golf ball for the last three times."

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

Convergent Fauna

Artist, sitting in front of a sign identifying a bridge as a draw bridge, draws the bridge.

"It's the wrong type of tracks on the snow."