Time-challenged Reader Gifts

"Ooh look ...the book I've been waiting ages for, but will never have time to read."

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

"Nice, but as long as there are readers there will be scrolls."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"How can back to back be your favourite position?"

"Chapter three: Homo erectus and the practical use of bones..."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

A shark is reading a book entitled 'Swimming with the lawyers'.

'Was it good for you?' 'I haven't finished yet!'

"If you don't want the light to keep shining in your eyes, stop asking me how much longer I'm going to read."

Fifty Shades of Yellow

The Invention of Reading in Bed.

'I'm a vestal virgin.'

"It's a terrible hiccup you got there. . . let me help you.. I made a dent in the car today!"

"How's your beer coming, Eddie?"

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

'Certainly not, Philip! And calling me Babe will get you nowhere!'

'An owl and a pussycat? -- Is that even legal?'

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

"No!"

Sleeping man uses his beard as a book mark.

Public Library. Check out books here. Sorry, Mr. Jones -- No Agatha Christie until you've finished Herman Melville.

Wrong shelf.

"The 3-D version sucks."

Wilfred Owen

'And they all lived happily ever after, once the prince's lawyers sorted out the pre-nuptial...'