Thumb Theorist T-Shirts

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

Allotment

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

'I've found a spade I like Julia...'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Germinate... Germin-ate!!'

"Sure. I know of a haystack on the edge of town where you'll be safe until the heat dies down."

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

Gardening

Journalist in charge of gardening column has dead plant.

'I'm saving up for a hedge.'

"What about your precious opposable thumbs now?"

'Grow you son of a bitch!'

Luther Burbank

"Get your ass back on the road, Pythagoras!"

'I'm beginning to think that you're WILLFULLY apathetic!'

'I,m trying something new...giraffe manure!'

'But Mom, if God didn't want us to text message, he wouldn't have given us opposable thumbs.'

'I'm not coming here again Doctor Melrose. I'd rather talk to my plants.'

"Our environmental policy might encourage tree planting. . . . but not in the office."

"I'm tired of being Queen. I want to be First Lady."

"Would you please bring the endangered species here a drink?"

Champion gardener.

Follow me on Twiddle my thumbs.

You stink at Halo 5. I have no thumbs!

"That's what happens when they get enough water."

"I'll say one thing for you. You've got green fingers."

"I see you've laid out your garden."

I worry that your camp concentrates too much on soccer. I'm ok, mom. Really. Specializing is bad for your joints and muscles. Chill, mom. I'm cross-training. Oh. I have very well-conditioned thumbs.

A painter paints his thumb, not the nude model in front of him.

Pythagoras Revisited

'Cool! Thanks to our opposable thumbs, we can send SMS messages...'

"This year I'm just planting the little signs."

"I just don't think someone who's never won an arm-wrestling match in his life has any business engaging in combat."