Thoughtful Joker Pillows

Anti-social networking

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"See how it feels"

I am one with stupid.

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

Valentine Comix

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

Breathe-aholics Anonymous: 'Hi, my name is Glen, and I've been clean and sober for over one minute.'

"Laugh and call me names, will they!"

'Scram! -- I don't endorse candidates!'

"I started my vegetarianism for health reasons, then it became a moral choice, and now it's just to annoy people."

"I didn't see you at camouflage practice today, soldier!"

"I don't like to complain, but he should've created some jobs, too."

'I like my women like I like my light bulbs; dim, cheap & easily replaced.'

"Take no notice. It's just Norman being sarcastic again."

"Don't stare at the sun, Richard."

'Best thing I ever did was join a dating agency. Turns out my perfect partner is beer!'

'How will they know how enlightened you are, if you don't advertise?'

"He's a barn owl, we're great horned owls – completely different class."

"Today is the first day of the rest of my life! That's a lot of stress to deal with."

How To Saint . . .

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

'Hey, I know what -- Let's have an enlightenment telethon!'

'-and the look on his face when you overtook him in the Car Wash!'

'If you grow up to be half the man your father is, that will be plenty.'