Thoughtful Conversation Gifts

"Do you believe in predestination?"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'The Questioner'

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

So you're a mocking bird...

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Correct Comics *Drawn By A Vegetarian On Acid-Free Recycled Paper In A Drug-Free Environment

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"So, what do you do for play?"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."