Thomas Hardy Gifts

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

'I got the job, Mom. You always said I'd make a living with my hands.'

"Walter had an attack of road rage in the driveway."

Topiary: helping nature look her best

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

Blue-Collar Workers

"Oh, yes, he's bad. But in a good way."

"Take a long drink, son. Someday it will all be yours."

A man is tied to a chair and forced to watch TV news.

Three Pointless Things to Do This Week: Break into a sweat/Search for the Hero Inside Yourself/Toy with the Idea of Leaving Your Husband or Wife.

Job Safety - Valves.

The clock for people who have no idea when they will be there.

"They're padded shorts: yes, your butt looks big."

'Nothing important. Just missing another deadline.'

'After cheating death, I naturally assumed I could cheat taxes, too.'

'It's a new Rupert Murdoch production -- the 'Things You're Better Off Not Knowing' channel.'

Way out.

"Absolutely not!"

"How come celebrities work hard all their lives to become known then wear dark glasses to avoid being recognised?"

'I'm having a bad hare day.'

'Armed robbers are sexy and exciting, but kleptomaniacs make the best providers.'

"I hate to admit it, but a man with a big carbon footprint makes me hot."

"When you have teeth like ours, you don't need intellect!"