Third-grade Teacher Gifts

'I can't talk dirty...I'm a third grade teacher.'

A Puppet Named Juan

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Where your mind & battle are los

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

Ethics exam cheater.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Gender Equality

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Computer Room.

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

At the Museum

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'C'mon get it straight.'

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"