Teacher Gifts

Quiz for dogs.

"I'll pause for a moment so you can let this information sink in."

"I believe that's a Montessori school."

The New Normal

Learning Curve

'Radiology confirms that, like many other teachers of English, you do have a book in you.'

'People who can read Venn diagrams...'

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

Pilgrim to Indian: 'We'd like to buy your land. Do you take discover card?'

'Yes, a winky face is correct... But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices known as 'complete sentences.''

Ancient Grammar Police: 'Oh, for cryin' out loud...you never end a sentence with a . . .'

'I forgot the question.'

Young Stephen King

'I found some information in this book for my school paper. How do I click 'print'?'

"I wonder whazt kind of super powers he possesses?"

"My name is Mr. Collins. I'll be teaching you English literature, and I'm armed."

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

"Daddy works in a magical, faraway land called Academia."

Gone Lecturin'

"You can accomplish anything, if you don't put your mind to it."

'Hey weirdo, where do you think you're going?'

'How will THIS ever apply to my real life?'

"What the hell happened in P.E.?"

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

The first history class.

"Now, just to review, at the last faculty meeting we established that Marcia hates Fred, Fred hates Carol and Marcia, Carol really can't stand Larry, Larry despises me, and I hate Larry, Marcia, Fred and Penny."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'She's a new school principal with 'old school' principles.'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

People who understand Venn diagrams

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

Philosopher trading cards.

"So, if I'm the only art teacher, does that mean I'm head of the department?"