Teaching Gifts

"I'll pause for a moment so you can let this information sink in."

'Radiology confirms that, like many other teachers of English, you do have a book in you.'

'People who can read Venn diagrams...'

Pilgrim to Indian: 'We'd like to buy your land. Do you take discover card?'

'It's not an accounting breakthrough, Sam. It's wrong.'

Young Stephen King

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'Ms. Peters, hold all calls. I'm busy implementing yet another hastily conceived and unproven education innovation.'

"My name is Mr. Collins. I'll be teaching you English literature, and I'm armed."

Teacher to school inspector, "It's multi cultural and an oil drum around the neck keeps the little buggers out of mischief."

Gone Lecturin'

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

The first history class.

'She's a new school principal with 'old school' principles.'

Corrective Lens

"So, if I'm the only art teacher, does that mean I'm head of the department?"

"Before I was Socrates, I was Socrates the adjunct professor struggling to get tenure."

One of the lesser known joys of being a fencing instructor.

Plain English group.

'How do you know I have a learning disability?- Maybe you have a teaching disability!'

'We collaborate. I'm an expert, but not an authority, and Dr Gelbis is an authority, but not an expert.'

'Correct. And in the case of a cardiac arrest, every second counts. Who can tell me why? Anyone? Clock's ticking.'

Professor Herman paused when he heard that unmistakable thud - another brain had imploded.

'No, Adam, 'awesome' is not an acceptable choice of what you want to be when you grow up.'

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

'I didn't feel answers were necessary. All the questions seemed rhetorical.'

"I have tried telling you several times, my name is Ken and I am from Glasgow."

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

'Just a darn minute ? yesterday you said that X equals two!'

'...And that should cover all my rules for the class.'

Books on running a successful school,

Dog training

'My objective is to have each student become more insightful, compassionate, introspective and empathetic. In your case I will settle for quiet.'

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'