Think-piece Lover Gifts

Man sees statue just like him, labeled 'The Non Thinker'.

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

"I need to tinkle."

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

Jean-Paul Sartre

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Distractions Of The Great

Wok. Don't Wok.

Vlad the Inhaler

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

Playdough's The Republic

Iris Murdoch

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

The intellectual.

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Rap music

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

Running

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"Global warming is a great icebreaker."

"It feels good to unwind..."

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."