Therapy Irony Fan Pillows

'Don't worry, Ma'am -- we'll do everything for him that psychobabble can do!'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"Teach me not to care."

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

Can I take your disorder?

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

"No heroic measures."

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

Sardine psychologist.

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

"And what can I do for you, Sir?"

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"You've got a few screws loose."