Therapy Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Wow! You need professional help."

'You're right, Mr, Haskins, those were extremely 'normal' word associations. Now let's try it without the thesaurus.'

'How come your notebook has a sudoku puzzle on it?'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Bookworm Sleepover

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

X-ray Psychology.

"Too much concealer?"

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

'We have three minutes left.'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'