Theme Park Skeptic Pillows

The Rape of Europa

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

End the Winter Blues

'Miss Carruthers, check and see if we have an extradition treaty with Disneyland.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

"The lakes are getting more like a theme park."

'I'm sick and tired of your mood swings, Frank!'

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

"Tunnel of love"

Tunnel of TV

Tunnel of Like.

"Look—you can't say we don't give them fair warning!"

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

'...Please stop the...'

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

"Hey! I can see the Empire State Building!"

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Tunnel of Whale Guts

Riding the Rollercoaster.

Children sitting in bumper cars playing on their cellphones.

"Now this is a dog park!"

Tunnel of like.

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

The Big Game Park

Funnel of Love.

"It's more relevant than some of the other theme parks we've been to."

Stock Market Roller-coaster.

Mine Shaft of Love.

Summer Outing Planning

'Tunnel of love, in a cold climate'

Killer whale with dead trainer

Workaholic on a cruise

Tunnel of Spotty Wi-Fi