Theatre Assistant Gifts

"I'll have a programme and sit on that."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Anthropologists discover the earliest known depiction of Jazz Hands.

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

The Witches Discover The Wok

Applause

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

A man taking a bow

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

Tower Hamlets

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Illustrations of Shakespeare.

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

A pretention of playwrights

'Greetings and welcome to my new play called 'King Lear.' It's about delegation, succession, and decentralization.'

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

Gadzook used armour. Only one careful owner.

Tragedy, Comedy, 'Dramedy'

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

Ticket - At the Theatre in the Hay Market - The Authors Benefit Pasquin.

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

Snail Man

"Is this a dagger I see before me?"

"Because of illness, the role of Mimi in tonight's performance will be sung by a temp."

Comedy School: 'Please knocky nicky nooo!'