Theatre Gifts

Waiting for Waldot

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to call to the stand an unequaled expert witness of exceptional excellence. Put your hands together. Give it up..."

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

The Phantom Of The Garden

''... or not to be'!'

Deus ex Caffeina

"Can we, just for a moment, Your Honor, ignore the facts?"

The British Hamlet. He says: 'Alas poor Yorick, I knew him ... well, I say knew, more of an acquaintance really. Only met the chap three or four times.'

"I knew Yorick also. He gave me diarrhea."

"Young Montague's full of himself."

Six Characters in search of an outlet.

"Is there a doctor who accepts Medicaid in the house?"

"He still finds giving negative feedback really difficult!"

'Compare me to a summer's day? In this country?!' (Shakespeare unwittingly insults a lady while reciting a sonnet)

"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl..."

"These keys seem vaguely familiar."

Beckett on ice

"I don't get it."

"By George she's got it"

"Oh, yeah? Well, I think you're the one with the biochemical imbalance."

Big deal - a guy writes a couple of plays, and suddenly he thinks he's the spokesman for his generation.

Henry trained himself in the 'dramatic pause'.

"Run for your lives! It's the full 'Ring' cycle!!"

NOT 2B

"Page 33, line 4..."

The Climax - J'ai baise ta Bouche

"Because of illness, the role of Mimi in tonight's performance will be sung by a temp."

"And now I'd like to pick a member of the audience so I can look clever and they can look stupid"

Good V Evil.

"Oh come on! How can you possibly know that it's Yorick without a proper forensic reconstruction?"

'Oh No! Reality theatre.'

'Remember, you're on trial for witchcraft so try not to cackle... and lose the hat.'

"Do you think we could stop using 'Julius Caesar' in the role plays?"

Pantomime dame: 'Has anyone seen my successful TV and film career?' Audience: 'It's behind you!'

'Then...we went back and identified moments that cried out for a song.'