The Whimsical Writer Gifts

A Poet

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

Swan Fairy Tales

Lactose Intolerant

'Are you made of sugar?'

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

Cat fishing whilst fish fly overhead.

Dogs and their thoughts

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"I said slime."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

"Yes, one is a dog."

Today's Special: Rabbit Stew

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

"Scuba cow"

Giant using sheep as cotton buds

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

''Raining cats and dogs' is just a phrase, Alix.'

Gondolier skimming up leaves in pool.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Fishing for Birds

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

A bird plays the flute to a cat.