The Self-esteem Guru Pillows

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"You left your demons here last week."

"The goal is to hate yourself."

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

PROBLEM AREAS

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

Achiever: An illustration of how many thoughts she can have in a split second, while still listening to him.

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

Let go of the restrictions in your own head.

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'

"There's a wonderful book on memory tricks here, but I can't remember what I did with it!"

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

"My fuse about my height is about as short as I am."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

Declutter Your Life

'More isn't doing the trick lately. What comes AFTER more?'

"Dear, it's a well known fact that women's clothes shrink in the closet during winter!"

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

Planned service changes

'If you want them balanced, it'll be an extra 250 dollars.'

'I think they're still just sizing each other up.'

'When did you first notice the bald spot?'