The Perpetual Traveler Gifts

"You are going on a long journey. You will throw your back out putting your bag in the overhead. You will never recover from jet lag. It will rain every day. You will lose your passport. Your flight home will be cancelled."

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

Rock - see you in a million years!

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

TV - MARS, weather: 'Very hot and dry days, bitterly cold nights and no precipitation for the next several million years!'

Welcome Ghost.

Mad For It

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

Scarecrow Directions

"This part of space feels especially weird right now."

Humans and aliens have landed on new planet at the same time.

'Uh, no offense, but is there other life here?'

"You're not ready for school to start, are you?"

"Your vacation is over, deal with it!"

Bob landed in Hell. And to make matters worse, they lost his luggage.

'Maybe our health insurance people aren't sticklers.'

Ruby wasn't going to let her age slow her down.

"Christ! How much further is it to the next rest stop!?!"

Replacement Raft Service

Holiday snaps of airport delays.

'About this trip to the Amazon jungle...I want my money back!'

'...I'm taking 9 months off between the end of the summer hols and the start of my gap year...'

"According to this not only are we lost but in one way or another we've always been lost."

"If I let you bring your phone, do you promise not to try to take pics of yourself with God?"

Window seat please. Chatting or no chatting?

'Only one carry-on.'

"It was a terrible holiday, everything was so perfect we couldn't claim anything off our insurance."

"This isn't exactly what I expected when I asked Sam's Travel, Inc. to send me to paradise."

Passport to eternity

'Good news is that even here you are well known. You're professor Entenman, the anthropologist who has been searching for the worlds' last cannibals. The bad news is you just found them.'

'Are you SURE this is Christmas Island?'

'The Government says we have to list all ingredients - What's your social security number?'

"Since 1954, I've lost five sets of keys, eleven wallets, nine pairs of gloves, and thirty-two ball-point pens. Has any of that stuff ever turned up?"

"Grab some lederhosen, Sutfin. We're about to climb the globalization bandwagon."