The Matrimonial Jedi Pillows

'He does.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

Sulk Shows

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

Couple on a Tandem Cycling in Different Directions

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'Your wife's on line three. And she's asked for the speaker phone to be put on full volume.'

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

'Hi, I'm Linda, and this is my husband Jack. He's been having trouble keeping his penis to himself.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, with no chance of parole.'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'Of course I'm not fooling around with my secretary, Helen -- my receptionist would kill me!'

"I admire your devotion to duty."

'And do you,take Kevin to be your lawful wedded husband for three years or 50,000 miles?'

'He goes without saying - usually to the pub' (woman to marriage counselor)

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"

"I was just surprised you put the word 'marriage' next to the question asking if you suffered from a chronic condition."

'I do, but no promises.'

'I bet your Sunday mornings are different now you're married,eh Sam!'

'I don't have any trouble keeping my weight down — I married an appetite suppressant.'

'My marriage is at the stage where we may re-model the kitchen - again!'

Relate - man acts the clown to show fun still in marriage