The Backyard Baseball Slugger Gifts

"A little high and inside."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

The Giamatti era

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"It may have been just a kick-about in the garden, but Eric took things very seriously."

"Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that Barbara decided she wanted to start exercising more after her surgery."

Baseball Dreams

"You'll get your sandbox back as soon as Daddy has practiced a few bunker shots!"

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

Leaf-Blowers: Loudly making yardwork someone else's problem since the 1960s.

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"It's a victory garden. And the weeds have won."

'I can just see him twenty years down the road pitching for the Giants.'

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

Strikeout Dog

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

'I thought you invited me to play T-ball!'

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

Welcome,dear, to the Garden of Weedin.

'Both benches have emptied, and now the brawl is spreading to the spectators!'

"Better - but it was still too obvious when you went for the pine tar under your hat."

Gardening for Beginners

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

Fans Desperately Try To Catch A Baseball

Dave always likes to amuse himself by accusing the sausages of heresy before he throws them on the fire!

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."

"Well, a ringer and a laner - looks like you win honey..."

Window in the Outfield.