Backyard Golfer Gifts

'I'm your best friend, so I'll be honest-- do yourself a favor and take up ping-pong.'

'I thought you said you wanted me to get the crab grass out of the yard!'

"You'll get your sandbox back as soon as Daddy has practiced a few bunker shots!"

"Dad, get your own sandbox!"

Golfer hanging from tree branch to play difficult shot.

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

Delusional Golfer's Optical Illusion

"You're way too strong Dad: You've overshot the green by about two hundred metres..."

"It may have been just a kick-about in the garden, but Eric took things very seriously."

"Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that Barbara decided she wanted to start exercising more after her surgery."

"How?"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'Hey, look�The carnival must be in town'

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

Human males marking territory.

"He burns the first one as a sacrifice to the barbecue gods."

"This paternity leave plays havoc with your handicap."

'Oh, yeah? Wanna bet my Dad has more passwords than your Dad?'

"Better - but it was still too obvious when you went for the pine tar under your hat."

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'

"A little high and inside."

'If he's going to be another 'Tiger' he has to start young.'

'Where's your other glove?'

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

"My handicap? I'm a poor loser."

"This one travels 30 yards farther when you throw it."

Getting rid of the opposition.

Luckily I hit the pin!

Brad! Who's that singer I cry to when I'm drunk?

'What club do you think I should use? I don't know sir, I don't play golf either'

"Did you get some work done?"

"My handicap is the water, trees, windows, the highway..."

"I'd rather be golfing...and I am."

"Well, a ringer and a laner - looks like you win honey..."