Thanksgiving Humor Gifts

'I'm having turducken, chiquaduck, or duckailkey...you decide!'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Elfie Stick

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Try me/try me/try me...

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

'He's got your nose.'

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

Santa's Helpers

Christmas on Other Planets.

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"