Thanksgiving Comedy Buffs Gifts

"You should join us for Thanksgiving."

Piranhaclaus

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

Turkey Autopsy

"Never say you're stuffed!"

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"Dear Santa, This Christmas please send clothes for all those poor naked girls on daddy's computer. Love, Veronica"

"You have the Hum bug.'

"Just because you can go around the world in one night doesn't mean you can also do your taxes that way!"

'I love you guys!'

"Well that's just great!! I guess we really are flightless birds now!!"

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

Santa Enjoys Venison.

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."

I may have a belly full of jelly, but trust me, no one is faster at going through duct work.

"Your behavior was kind of shady so don't be surprised if you only receive clothes for Christmas."

'Don't worry, I come in peace today: Merry Christmas!'

'I kept wondering for years...am I red with white stripes or white with red stripes? I became so mixed up. Now, look at me.'

"You know, Christmas isn't the only time I'm busy. ..the rest of the year I deliver for Amazon."

"Any chance one of you might hang around and be our sitter for New Years Eve?"

'You're seeing someone else, aren't you?'

"I'm sorry but I only employ elves..."

Christmas 2020

Santa never made it as a pirate: 'Yo ho ho! And a bottle of egg nog!'

"No more for him, he has to drive."