Thanksgiving Humorist Gifts

'Before the end of November, we need to learn to do that.'

Turkey Autopsy

"We'll have to operate to remove those giblets"

The first super committee.

"Never say you're stuffed!"

'I told you innies are better than outies.'

'Well ma'am essentially we freeze the client until a cure can be found, unfortunately Mrs.Butterball, I don't think there will ever be a cure for thanksgiving.'

"Now son. We haven't given thanks for all we're about to destroy."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"There must be some mistake. I'm free-range."

Thanksgiving Recipes

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

"They didn't vote to make you the national bird but don't fret, I know another way you can serve your country!"

"Of course our house is politically divided, but this is about white meat versus dark."

'Oh, please... You call that a genocide?'

'He has a real quiet way about him...until the feed runs out.'

'I don't care if it IS Tofurkey...I am not eating that!'

"They stuff what where?!"

'Don't worry. I'm just going to take a little off the top.'

'You will win a lottery on Thanksgiving day.'

'Mr. President, keep in mind that with Thanksgiving fast approaching, you are permitted to give yourself a Presidential Pardon. It doesn't mean however, that you can spend the rest of your term living on a farm in the country.'

'Wing, thigh...or trunk?!'

"Furthermore, the killer is in this very room!"

I agree that every new day we get from here is an unexpected gift, but let's not say "It's all gravy from here."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Claus 2.0

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

Night of the Latkes

High security Santa's grotto

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"