Thanksgiving Satirist Gifts

I'm With Delicious

Turkey Black Fridays.

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The First Thanksgiving

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

Turkey Autopsy

"Never say you're stuffed!"

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

"God, I hate theme dinners."

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

'...Then we thought, stuff Christmas, the world is full of naughty brats anyway.'

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

'Wise up. We're not getting all this stuff because we were good this year - they're bribes for us to be good next year.'

'Santa's blotto.'

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

'I don't like this!'

'Oh, please... You call that a genocide?'

'He has a real quiet way about him...until the feed runs out.'

I agree that every new day we get from here is an unexpected gift, but let's not say "It's all gravy from here."

'Don't worry. I'm just going to take a little off the top.'