Thanksgiving Satirist Gifts

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The First Thanksgiving

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

Turkey Autopsy

"Never say you're stuffed!"

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

"God, I hate theme dinners."

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

'...Then we thought, stuff Christmas, the world is full of naughty brats anyway.'

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

'I don't like this!'

'Wise up. We're not getting all this stuff because we were good this year - they're bribes for us to be good next year.'

'Santa's blotto.'

'He has a real quiet way about him...until the feed runs out.'

Bad King Wenceslas

"Apparently our hotel is just a stone's throw from the beach..!"

'Oh, please... You call that a genocide?'

Secular Holy Days

'Don't worry. I'm just going to take a little off the top.'

Santa's family holding firearms