Thanksgiving Escapist Gifts

Roscoe's Great Escape

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

'See you in two weeks!'

Cake Escape

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

"Let's go back to our cabana, get into bed and shop online."

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

Contestants defeated in the ring toss competition head back to the hotel to recharge for a late night nude hot tub partying and 'bootie shakin' erotic cage fetish dancing.

Homing Pigeon GPS Manfunction

'You expect me to play with educational toys during SUMMER VACATION?'

'Send me somewhere sunny and warm!'

'I need all the heat I can get before I have to go to the North Pole to prepare for this Christmas.'

"Dude, I don't mind watching your holiday video, but can you fast-forward it please..."

'...Then we thought, stuff Christmas, the world is full of naughty brats anyway.'

Sleeping Tiger

Alone in the great blue sea at last, Professor Hoehns comes to know panic firsthand.

"He's in a far better place. It's always nice to spend the winter in Miami."

"A double room with twin minibars, please!"

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

"What I want for Christmas is to have the day off and watch 'Miracle on 34th Street'."

'I survived four Thanksgivings. I deserve to accompany you on the Veterans' Parade!'

Will Make You Sick So You Can Go Home.

'Hey, Fred, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?'

"Hold it, there's someone on my other island!"

Message in a bottle.

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

"Ain't no drab plumage at closing time."

'Tom, I think you better rearrange your tail feathers.'

Ramblers Association

Man escaping from his scolding wife by inhaling ether

'The leaves are falling, Henry ... are we going to the beach this year?'

"Just be honest, John... you'd rather be fishing with the guys than spending the weekend with me, right?"