Thanksgiving Cynic Pillows

"Running Deer sends his regrets."

"Well, Uncle Marvin got drunk and channeled his inner Rush Limbaugh. My Aunt threw a bible at my sister when she said that Donald Trump was not the second coming of Christ. . ."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'I hate all holidays!'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'The customer is always right...'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

"God, I hate theme dinners."

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

'I don't like this!'

Hospital food. Because you're just not sick enough.

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

'Two beef and pork by-products and a turkey dog, please!'

"Mrs. Bennett hung my turkey right next to Kevin Russell's pilgrims."

'Ms Phelps, can you help me? I seem to have misplaced my Christmas spirit.'

'Your x-rays don't look good.'

"What a nutcase."

"Just another silly programme this Christmas."

Turkeys wearing top saying 'I'm with yummy'.

'Makes sense to me.'